Meditation is becoming more and more popular to enhance good work habits, improve health, sharpen our response times, and increase memory. This week a Huffington Post article says that meditation on your spouse can help people sustain their marriages. http://tinyurl.com/mcn2jjp Dr. Flanagan posits that we should meditate on our spouses. (Look at #9 in the list.)
I suggest that we should just meditate.
Dr. Lazar of Harvard University has shown that meditation increase ours grey matter density in the temporo-parietal junction which increases empathy. http://tinyurl.com/4nneuvj Dr. De Steno of Northeastern University has shown that meditation can increase our capacity to feel compassion. http://tinyurl.com/pjx67pk
What does this mean in a marriage? It means we will be better able to understand what our partner is feeling, as well as discern more accurately what they are saying. We will be more patient, more compassionate.
Being compassionate means we can really listen to the person who is speaking instead of being caught in the stories we are telling ourselves about what they should be doing or saying. Basically, being more compassionate means we are being nicer.
Meditation takes a commitment of about twenty minutes a day. You say you don’t have time for that? What is your marriage worth? How much time do you spend on Facebook, watching TV, talking on the phone? Take five minutes a day away from each of those things. You could just save your marriage…..and be a whole lot happier over all.
I swear. It is that simple.
It’s that time of year. For some people this is the best time of year, for others, not so much. No matter where you fall on this continuum, it’s a safe bet that how you celebrated the holidays as a child is impacting how you view the holiday season.
Often people who had beautiful holiday seasons as children no longer have that sense of magic and long for it. Or people who had horrible childhood memories of the holidays dread the season because they bring up those memories.
We can create new traditions and transform our experience if we can just unhook our childhood memories from our present experiences. It isn’t such an easy thing to do, though it sounds so simple.
The key is to recognize how your history is impacting you. Once you really honor your history you have the opportunity to let it go. If you idealize or demonize those times, you might turn away from seeing them for what they really are.
The perfect holiday magic from childhood springs from the mind of a child. As an adult, you can only pass that on to others. It is never experienced in its fullness when you are an adult.
The difficulty of holiday seasons that consistently presented disappointment was the experience you had as a child. It will never be that bad again if you decide to change it for you and those around you.
We create our own joy and our own magic, and most importantly, we give that joy to others. Offering joyousness to others is our best chance as adults to feel fullness at the holidays. To do that, we have to really be in the present and not trying to relive the past.